Once Upon Insanity
by Tsukiria
Summary: Oh,how Chrno hated his brother.ALOT.More than one could ever comprehend.Why?Maybe it's just coz' he had a lot of things to thank him for.But how does being mistaken as a princess come into the picture?Warning: This is NOT a fairytale!
1. The first Chronicle

Once Upon Insanity – The first chronicle

Disclaimer: I don't own Chrno Crusade…

A/N: This fic is dedicated to the last bit of my sanity which had been sacrificed at the stake for the sake of this tale!

* * *

He really didn't like the look on Aion's face. Uh uh. Not at all.

Aion smirked, looking as though Christmas had come early, a glimmer of triumph flashing in his violet eyes.

_No…it can't be…no way…wait… Wait… WAI - !_

"Game. I win," declared his brother, slamming down his winning cards on the floor.

Blowing his long amethyst bangs out of his face, irritated, Chrno slumped, sighing inwardly to himself.

Aion had beat him. Again. For the billionth time. EVER.

He groaned.

Grudgingly, Chrno raised his head, only to see his oh-so-great elder brother doing a victory jig around the room. Poor Chrno had to fight the distinct urge to run when Aion grinned, a grin which was only stopped by his tufted ears, at him, and said in honeyed tones, "You DO remember what you promised me, right? Do you? Doooo you?"

His thinning patience snapped.

"All right, alright!" cried Chrno, throwing up his arms in defeat, flinging his cards all over the place. " A dare's watcha want, a dare's what ya got! What d'you want me to do already?!"

Aion grinned ( if possible) even more widely, and beckoned his younger brother to lean in closer.

And Chrno's eyes widened into ruby saucers ( not UFO ones) in horror upon assimilating what Aion had just whispered in his ear.

* * *

A few moments later, a figure burst out of the room, running as though her life depended on it, Aion hot on her heels. Azmaria, with her arms laden with laundry, blinked as the lady dashed past her, caught off guard by the girl's beauty.

Oh, she certainly is pretty. Those silky violet locks rustling as she ran, those entrancing crimson eyes widened slightly in fear… Not to mention the beautiful gown she donned – it looked absolutely **gorgeous** on her.

_Wait_, Azmaria thought, frowning as the lady seemed more and more familiar to her. _Just who…?_

She let out a little gasp of recognition.

"Chrno-sama?!"

Chrno paused and peered over his shoulder upon hearing his name. When he saw Azmaria, his face displayed that of intense relief before his features began to screw up…

And before she knew it, Chrno, in all of his prince's glory, sunk to the floor clutching the hem of the velvety gown he wore, and started crying – Big, fat, droplets of crystalline tears spilling down his front.

"Sorry," grinned Aion sheepishly when he caught sight of the look on Azmaria's face. "Couldn't resist."

* * *

"My dear man," exclaimed the king, surprise flickering in his brilliant sapphire orbs. "What brings you here?"

The duke of Duke called Duke (O.olll) gave one of his usual cold, empty smiles to his old acquaintance.

"Well," Duffau said, making himself comfortable in an armchair, " since you're so direct, I shall not beat about the bush as well."

Then, for a moment, he tilted his head back, eyes closed, an expression of utter bliss spreading across his face as he savored the vision of utmost perfection he had just seen.

Whether it was all play-acting or not, the effect was good.

"I'm here…to ask for your daughter's hand of marriage."

"…hah?" the ruler cocked his head questioningly to one side. "I don't HAVE a daughter…"

The duke's gaze instantly narrowed into a glare, and he pushed himself forward, glaring deep into the king's cerulean eyes as though trying to strike fear into his 'friend's' heart. "You dare lie to me?! I just saw her along the corridors!"

However, the king, being oh so dense and ignorant as he always was, was completely oblivious to the imminent death threat and continued to protest, "But I really don't HAVE a daughter – "

"Is this a 'no' then, Remington?" questioned the Duke, his voice becoming dangerously soft all of a sudden.

"For the last time," Remington cried out earnestly. "I don't have a daughter!"

Before he finished, however, the man had already whisked out of the room, his cloak swishing angrily in his wake.

"…" the king looked at the servant standing beside him, his face completely wiped blank like a piece of white paper, and the servant stared back, equally emotionless.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"… I have a daughter?"

"…No sir, I believe you do not," murmured Fiore as she gave a polite bow.

"Oh…okay…"

* * *

"Stupid Aion… I hate him," sniffled Chrno, hiccupping slightly as he trudged along the huge palace garden, feeling the grass brush against his legs. The princess gown was still trailing behind him, attracting many stares from the palace maids and servants.

_They must think I'm crazy or something_, thought the boy, instantly feeling his face burn up. _This is so humiliating…still, I DID promise Aion – _

His thoughts were cut off rudely as a ripened fruit fell from a tree, inches away from his nose…

And exploded in a puff of thick smoke.

Caught by surprise, Chrno failed to escape and was engulfed by the white fog. Choking, he swiped uselessly at it, in a vain attempt to clear the air.

Out of the blue, as though they leapt out of the broken shell of the fruit itself, four…erm… NINJAS… appeared out of nowhere. They certainly weren't professionals, instead, they were simply amateurs on the job, given the way they stupidly mistook 'wire gauzes' for 'nettings', and the way they gave a hearty yell of "NINJA ATTACK!", before hauling Chrno over their shoulders and took off like ants would with a lump of sugar.

Poor Chrno never knew what hit him.

* * *

A/N: I got this lame idea when I had a stroke of inspiration for a doodle…Chrno being in a dress and Rosette being in armour… Yeah…that's how the fic came out…Urgh… 


	2. The second Chronicle

Once Upon Insanity – The second chronicle

A/N: I can't wait to write the later parts of this fic…Its gonna be really, really crazy. And when I say really, really crazy, I mean really, REALLY crazy.

* * *

"NO WAY IN HELL – !!"

It was all but a scream which shattered the peaceful morning frost. Birds still lazing in the trees surrounding the large, sophisticated building shot though the thick canopy of dewy leaves, cawing and shrieking in fright. The maids and servants, however, displayed an expression of that of indifference, some even shaking their heads, exchanging looks which said, "I knew it."

And yes, of course they knew. They were already informed of 'it' beforehand, and was asked to take all necessary precautions…

…And 'it' was as in today was the day where the Queen decided to break the news to the princess of her arranged marriage. The SUPPOSEDLY demure and gentle princess.

For the record, the princess wasn't very… "princessy".

Slamming a fist down, an anger vein throbbing at her temples, the young blonde shrieked at her aunt who stood behind the polished, wooden desk.

"Never am I going into an arranged marriage," the princess yelled, " and I don't give a damn if its going to be some kinda peace alliance thingamajig for the country! I don't plan on marrying a stranger and I will not! Never in a month of Mondays!"

"Now look here young lady," Kate cried, her voice rising at an alarming rate – always a danger sign. " I am your guardian and – "

"Oh, don't pull the ' I am your guardian so you must listen to me' thing, AGAIN!"

The two women stood there, glaring, seething in silent (or not so silent) fury. If there was one thing they had in common, it was this.

Joshua gulped, taking a hesitant step back, weighing his chances. One was his sister, the other his aunt, and both were equally terrifying and not to be trifled with. He really didn't want to incur either of their wraths. And the possibility of him making a run for it –

"Joshua, say something already!!"

– was just about nil.

* * *

Chrno stirred. Inky eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks as his scarlet orbs flickered open. Habitually, he raised his hand to rub at his bleary eyes, his vision groggy and smeared as they frantically worked to adjust to the light. As he was on the verge of waking up, it hazily occurred to him that the covers he lay upon was soft cotton, not the usual silk his bed sheets were made of.

He frowned as the figure before him swam into focus. A pair of copper-red eyes gazed back into his crimson ones, full of a familiar worried expression.

Squinting, he asked in a slightly slurred voice,

"Azmaria?"

The girl breathed a sigh and Chrno heard murmurs of relief echo from around the room. Wincing, he raised a hand to his aching temples as he sat up in the foreign bed. He threw a glance at the lady before him and at once realized his mistake.

The maid had the same shade of eyes as his own servant did, but instead of having light lilac tresses, she had short, auburn hair. Despite that, however, she bore an uncanny resemblance to the songbird, from the eyes to the dark blue maid uniform.

The servant at once flushed under his gaze and hurriedly attempted to do a curtsey in deference to him.

"Your name?" he enquired, amused as the maid stumbled over the hem of her dress in her frenzy.

"A-ah, yes. I mean, it's Iora. Iora Aigithina," she rushed, flattered to have a royal to address her directly.

_So much like Azmaria_, Chrno mused as he cast a sweeping glance around the room, taking in his new surroundings. Finally, he voiced the question he had been pondering on ever since he stirred,

"Where am I?"

"O-oh," the maid stuttered, before shoving a bright smile onto her face and hastily answered, "The Duke's castle. Princess," she finished, upon the nudge her neighbor gave her.

Chrno blinked, then looked down at himself. For a blissful moment, he'd forgotten the day's events and wondered when Princes' clothings were made frilly. Then it hit him. He twitched and threw a scathing glare at the four he recognized as his 'ninja attackers'. One of them did an involuntary movement towards the door.

Choosing to ignore it, Chrno piped up once again,

"Why am I here?"

This time, the flicker of expression on the maid's face did not go unnoticed as she seemed to struggle with the words.

"Err…well," she cast a frightened glance at Chrno, "T-the Duke has, err, no! I mean…"

Iora stood, brain reeling, then recited in a rather dead-pan sort of voice,

"The Duke has offered your father an attractive proposition of a political alliance between them," she smiled, gaining confidence before continuing, "I'm sure that the joining of the two will, without a shadow or semblance of doubt, benefit the Duke as well as King Remington. Though the Duke has set a few – I mean, the terms are rather rudimentary and I'm sure your father would agree – I mean, HAS agreed –"

Something within him snapped and exploded into a million tiny pieces.

"Get straight to the point," the "princess" yelled, his patience stretched far beyond the limit. First Aion, the ninja attackers, now THIS?!

Iora cringed before taking a deep breath…

"The Duke wants your hand in marriage."

A pause.

"E-excuse me?" Chrno asked incredulously, certain that he heard wrong. _It couldn't be…_

Iora's voice faltered at the look on Chrno's face, "He wants to we – I mean, marry you."

The silence which hung in the air was that of impending doom, like a time ticking away every minute, every second, down the seemingly endless and dark abyss until the fated disaster struck –

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeh?! Marriage? But I'm only seventeen!"

Too bad they had already wisely decided to scarper, slamming the door shut with a defiant "click", leaving poor horrified Chrno with no one to protest to.

* * *

A/N: … Who can guess what's gonna happen next? Who can guess who's Rosette's to-be-partner-in-marriage? 


	3. The third Chronicle

Once Upon Insanity – The third chronicle

* * *

Night had fallen, coaxing the moon to cast its faint, silvery glow upon the structure of the castle. Its pale shafts of illumination shone down softly on the fields, lighting up the place dimly, bathing it in its golden rays.

All was quiet, except for the voice of Mother Nature which sounded upon the stillness. The crickets chirruped; the moths' wings hummed; nocturne creatures woke and prowled within the shadows. All of these came together to paint a mesmerizing night time scenario.

And yet, however, upon closer inspection, something didn't quite fit in.

A shadow darted – nimbly, silently, swiftly… it scaled up the castle walls which separated Utopia from the cold, harsh reality and swung its leg over the edge –

– miscalculating its sense of balance entirely, tumbling over and falling on the ground on the other side with a sickening "thud".

Rubbing its sore, bottom, it groaned.

"Next time," Rosette growled darkly to herself, "I'd rather take the back gate."

The young princess stood, her usual demeanor gone. Her gown was absent, and in its place was well-polished armor, shimmering softly in the moon's glow. Silver blonde tresses were swept into a low ponytail at the back of her head, and those captivating cerulean orbs of hers were shining with anticipation and excitement. Rosette smirked, admiring her new look which suited her to a T.

_And to think I used to dislike Joshua being at my height despite our one year age gap_, she mused, swinging a bag over her shoulder.

_I just hope Endes won't go running to Aunt Kate just yet…_

**- Flashback - **

_A young boy, scarce ten, hummed happily to himself as he skipped his way to his Master's room. After checking on Prince Joshua's knight armor, he was free! Free for that entire blissful afternoon! He already had his itinerary forming beautifully in his mind. A picnic by the lake, followed by blackberry hunting! Should he ask Alias along, he wondered, blushing faintly. Yes, yes he should. But how should he go about asking her? As subtlety as possible… perhaps he should bring along a flower?_

_Just as he was deciding on which blossom he should present to his playmate, he was whisked off both feet and thrust unceremoniously against the wall._

_Terrified and quaking, he stared back at the Very Dangerous-looking Princess who, at that moment, could have been classified under class "D" of unsafe-to-slay beasts. And for your information, "D" never stood for "Dandy". "D" stood for extremely "Deadly" and "Dangerous"._

"_Don't," Rosette hissed, "try anything funny. Do as I tell you to, and escape unscathed thou shall."_

_Chrysanthemums, young Endes dazedly thought. White chrysanthemums would be the best…_

_For his coffin, that is._

_He was one letter away from being "Ended"._

**- End Flashback- **

Rosette sighed, scratching the back of her head. Perhaps she had been a little too harsh… he was only ten after all…

Then, all of a sudden, she gave a start.

_Crap!_ She had wasted too much time, she thought as she, absent-mindedly, tucked a stray wisp of hair behind her ear. She was going to have to hurry if she wanted to reach the nearest village by daybreak…

As she hurried off, she gave a backwards glance at her home, almost wistfully.

"Goodbye," she whispered, heading off.

Before that, however, she shuddered.

_I'll bet Aunt Kate isn't going to take this very well…_

As per usual, Kate was at the dining room with Joshua as soon as dawn broke over the horizon, waiting for the maids to serve breakfast on the table.

"Rosette's not here?" she enquired, lifting a cup of herbal concoction to her lips.

"Nope. Knowing her, she's probably still in bed, sleeping…"

The queen sniffed disapprovingly at her nephew's reply and returned her attention to her daily hot beverage. She inhaled deeply, savoring how the sweetness and bitterness of it all could come together to form such a perfect harmonic taste. She sighed, relaxing.

Now _this_ was _life_. Joshua was finally showing marked improvement in his courses, and she had finally found Rosette the ideal life partner! It was a load off her shoulders, really, she thought as she made to sip at her tea.

Sadly for her, the maid chose this very moment to burst through the doors, waving a piece of paper wildly.

"P-princess Ro-sette –!" she gasped through pants, dismissing Prince Joshua's concerned hand impatiently, "She's ran away from home!!"

Before both the Queen and her nephew had time to respond to the servant's report, young Endes waltz pitifully into the room, silent tears streaming down his cheeks in torrents.

"T-the princess," he managed to sob through his wails, "She t-took Master's knight things, a-along with some of your m-Majesty's money!"

The handle of the fragile teacup snapped.

Then a shriek of fury, a cry of shock, along with screams of surprise.

"PRINCESS ROSETTE CHRISTOPHER! I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU!!"

Somewhere south towards the border of Magdalene Castle, a young teen sneezed violently.

Looking around wildly, the knight managed to compose and ease himself of his worries, reverting his attention back to the tray of food before him.

Or should I say, "Princess Rosette Christopher"?

"Jeez" she muttered, staring at the breakfast she ordered, an uncomfortable weight settling in her gut. "Can't anyone leave me alone around here to eat in peace?"

Just as she was about to spear her fork through the delicious-smelling omelet oozing with goodness, she caught a few words of what the frequents of the Inn were chatting about in loud voices.

"Poor girl," they were saying, "abducted from her own Palace. How could the Duke do such a thing?"

" – wanted her for her looks, it's rumored," they said, frowning, " Marriage's gonna take place a few days from now…Evil old git."

"Dear Princess…still, we never knew the King had a daughter," they paused, lamenting, before talking again.

"Heard there's going to be a huge reward for anyone who can get her back… Too bad," they were saying, "Who'd dare go against the Duke?"

Rosette blinked, pondering. _A fellow princess in distress?_ A queer feeling of protectiveness rose within her for the young lady. She was in the same boat as she was, the blonde thought with a sudden pang. About to be forced into a marriage she absolutely cannot comprehend…

Rosette clenched her fist, her jaw set, determination flaring in her sapphire eyes. That was the last straw. She, with her stubborn streak of righteousness, just couldn't stand by and watch another girl get into the same, horrible plight as she was in. Heck, even Rosette had a much better deal than she did. Later, the princess in the knightly armor decided, she was going to gather up more information of the abduction and the said "Duke". Then she'd think of a plan to rescue the damsel in distress.

_But the first thing up on my list_, Rosette looked back down at her plate.

…Was to do justice to the breakfast laid out before her.

* * *

A/N: ...err...Well, I know this is kinda corny, but with me being me, you really just have to put up with it. I'm pretty much sure lotsa questions (If not, at least some) are buzzing around your heads right now, so just pretty much fire away. I'd do my best to answer them, unless its gonna be revealed later in the plot. Perhaps I'll do this little "interview" session with some of the characters, where they'll sort of answer the questions themselves, or something... I don't mind flames - I adore them and welcome them with open arms really - but what I crave for are "Reeeeevieeewsss"... Oolll Don't worry, I'm not threatening you into reviewing. Just a little side note. I'll be having my exams this few weeks, so... you know the drill - study. .


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